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"Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up."
Muhammad Ali.
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"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Joe Theismann
"Half this game is ninety percent mental" - Danny Ozark, manager of the Philadelphia Phillies
“Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.” John Madden
"God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world!"
anonymous
A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote.
A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat.
So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.
--William Butler Yeats
Dough, the stuff that buys me beer.
Ray, the guy who brings me beer.
Me, the guy who drinks the beer.
Far, a long way to get beer.
So, I'll have another beer.
La, I'll have another beer.
Tea, no thanks I'm having beer.
That will bring us back to...
DOH!!!
--Homer Simpson
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
"I used to rock 'n roll all night and party everyday. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky."
Homer Simpson
"I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case and the other case - we only got one case left."
Barney Gumbal
"We must have really painted the town last night. I have a pounding headache, my mouth tastes like vomit, and I don't remember a thing."
Ned Flanders
"One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the oppostie. It's like "hey, there's an asshole."
Demetri Martin
Jeez, is that what I look like when I'm drunk?
Barney Gumbal
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get."
Homer Simpson
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